LONG-LASTING RELATIONSHIP:WANT TO KNOW our secrets?

If you think that love is all sweetness, fun, and enjoyment then maybe you haven’t really experienced “true love”.

Reality check: True love is not a fairy tale. Being in love isn’t a guarantee that you will live “happily ever after”. Well, you can achieve being happy with each other but not all the time. Love is something that you work hard for TOGETHER, it’s like a lifetime project between two people as they try to make things work despite the differences and problems. Yes, friends, as you may have experienced already, love is comprised of both good and bad experiences.

Most importantly, LOVE is something you DO not just something you say. But the real question is, how can you make love last a long time? The secrets to a long-lasting relationship can be found in this blog. It’s not actually real secrets that we are the ones who know about it. I called them secrets because though everyone knows about these things, some people forget or don’t regard it as much. However, the things I will mention here are what kept us together as a couple for more than 16 years.

When people say “WALANG FOREVER!” (There’s no forever!), I have to disagree. It takes a lot of love and effort to keep relationships alive but if you really do things out of love and concern for your loved one, making a relationship last forever is possible and attainable. Those who say that there is no forever in love, may have difficulty in committing to one person or they may have experienced heartaches and are afraid to love again, or worse, they find themselves “STUCK” in what they consider as a bad relationship.

SHARING OUR STORY: 

My parents have been married for more than 37 years and because I look up to them and have witnessed how passionate they still are for each other, I’ve managed to be in a long-lasting relationship myself. Truthfully, it’s not easy and there will really come a time when you’ll be faced with difficulties that may make both of you want to give up but if two people constantly work together to keep their love alive, nothing is impossible.

My husband and I have been in an awesome long-term relationship for almost 16 years and 9 months. We’ve been through a lot and went through the worst case scenarios that could break up any relationship but we’ve managed to go through those difficult times together. We may have suffered scars and bruises but LOVE is worth it. In terms of products, our love has been tested and proven to stand whatever it is that life throws at us.

WE ARE THE LJ couple, Lester and Joy and it can also mean Love and Joy! #LJcouple

I would like to share our love story on my blog and since not all of you may be interested, you have the option to read it or skip it. If you wish to read it, you can just click the right side (flower or +/- sign) of the box below.

Click the FLOWER at the right to see our LOVE STORY

We’ve known each other since we were in Grade 3. We were classmates for about four years including our high school years. However, that time, we didn’t even really speak with each other except when necessary. I was the grade-conscious class nerd, he was the class clown who made everyone laugh because of his hilarious jokes.

Our classmates and professors didn’t really imagine that we would get along really well and end up together. Well, neither did we. During the time when we were schoolmates, we hardly socialized with each other because we had different circles of friends. We became close only during our third year in college when we accidentally met at a 7eleven store in Blumentritt. We went to different colleges so we took it as if fate wanted us to meet each other again. At last, the day came when he mustered up enough courage to ask me out to a Freestyle concert.

The venue? Well, it wasn’t exactly an extravagant “concert”, it was held inside a parking lot near Mapua. Not exactly the most romantic of locations but who cares? We were in cloud nine! The music was awesome and we were together! Freestyle, which was really hot at that time, sang the song, “Till I found you” & we found each other locking hands as we gazed upon the stars. Nahh…. erase the stars, we just locked hands, it was too polluted to see the stars anyway and besides, we were accompanied by my bestfriends, Eunice and Angela & his friend, Ryan. All of which, I’m happy to be part of that historic moment. On a side note, we also attended several back to back Side A and Freestyle concerts after that. The most recent one was back in 2015. I guess we both loved the same kind of music and that was the bond which started a friendship which turned into love.

That night, my dad drove us home and before we slept, he called me, strummed his guitar and sang, “If I keep on talking now… I’d only start repeating myself, and all I can say is… I LOVE YOU, I LOVE YOU, I LOVE YOU, I LOVE YOU!”. It was just a song but the lyrics meant a lot more as he emphasized on the I LOVE YOU’s and needless to say, we became a couple that day.

Everything was peachy from the start. Butterflies in the stomach and daydreaming while walking, we’ve experienced those and yeah, for us, those feelings are real. Then the trouble began and we found ourselves in a rollercoaster of emotions, bad days, misunderstandings, petty fights, etc. At one point, we almost gave up. That was the time the trust we shared was broken and we ended up losing really close friends along the way. We both regretted what happened but we couldn’t bring back the past so we decided to let time heal everything and though we haven’t fully forgiven each other, we still decided to give our love a second chance. We gradually patched things up and though it took quite some time to trust each other again, (note: it was a long, rough rode and we had our share of cuts and bruises) we were still lucky enough to have made it to the finish line.

We married each other right before our 12th year anniversary, which means, we have been happily married for more than 5 years already. Wow! It’s been that long? I haven’t even noticed really because we still love each other with the same intensity as we did during our first year together.

We may have experienced so many ups and downs in our life but our long-lasting relationship is a proof and testament of how much we both love each other ‘inspite of’ and ‘despite of’ our faults and imperfections.

 

WHAT EXACTLY ARE OUR SECRETS TO A LONG-LASTING RELATIONSHIP?

All those who know us are quite impressed with the length of time we’ve been together and they often ask us what’s the secret to our long-lasting relationship. Unfortunately, since we can’t enumerate everything on the spot, we just smile and say we really love each other.

Truth be told, we’re not a perfect pair, we bicker and fight too like any normal couples. We’ve had our own ups and downs so I’m doing this blog post based on my actual experience, the good, the bad and everything in between so that you can learn from our experience, skip most of the bad things we did and hopefully, this blog post can help make your relationship stronger and stand the test of time.

What makes our relationship work and what’s our secret to our long-lasting relationship? In order to fully answer that question, I guess I have to define love in a way that most people can understand and since we all do our laundry and we all wear clothes, I decided to relate love with doing laundry.

“LOVE for me is like laundry…

bubbles (happy moments) & stains (problems) included.”

Before you laugh at how I define love, let me enumerate all the “secrets” & related reasons why our relationship is still going strong. I’m going to relate each secret to doing laundry so you would understand why I defined it as such.

RELATIONSHIP —- I really love that term.. somehow, I think of it as a combination of the words “REAL“, “ELATION“, “LATE“, and “SHIP“. REAL because to have a long-lasting relationship, you have to be true to yourself and both of you should accept and love what’s real about each other. ELATION because being together should produce the happy memories and not negative ones. LATE because usually, you find the bad things about each other later in the course of your relationship and those “bad things” are actually what makes or breaks a relationship. It’s good because it will test if you really love each other “despite of” and “inspite of”. SHIP because being in a relationship is like sailing in a boat, problems are like holes and each hole may make the ship sink but if both of you do your best not to let the ship sink by patching up holes and throwing away the bitter water, then your ship will sail forever.

— Joy Lora

Below is a list of the reasons but instead of just enumerating everything, I decided to make an acronym from the word RELATIONSHIP to make things easier to browse and remember.

I’m going to name this list as J & L’s SECRETS TO A LONG-LASTING RELATIONSHIP.

Why J&L? That’s our initials (Joy & Lester). J & L can also mean JOY and LOVE, which are essential for any relationship to work.

Also, note that these “secrets” are based on our REAL & ACTUAL experiences. Without further ado, here are our secrets to a long-lasting relationship revealed.

J & L’s SECRETS TO A LONG-LASTING RELATIONSHIP:

As I’ve mentioned earlier, to make it easier to remember, I used the acronym “RELATIONSHIP”:
(NOTE: You can click on the button of any of the acronym below to go that specific topic and you can always go back to this section by pressing the BACK button at the end of each topic or acronym discussion.)

Remember when I said LOVE is like doing laundry? I mean it.

Before washing clothes, we consider the type of cloth/garment, whether it’s machine washable or for dry cleaning only and we also separate clothes based on color and whether the colors on the garments “bleed”. This is to prevent stains and ruining clothes because of improper handling/washing.

The same is true with love. You need to relate and know all about your spouse or boyfriend/girlfriend so that you won’t get on each other’s nerves and create growing gaps that may cause breakups. You also need to be considerate and adapt to each other’s differences. Otherwise, even if you know what makes him happy or what ticks him off, it won’t be of any help.

Thus RELATING and BEING CONSIDERATE goes hand in hand. When you don’t care to know about your loved one or if you become indifferent, your relationship will have damages or “stains” that would be difficult or impossible to remove.

Since my husband and I have been through a lot of issues, let me share some useful tips that would make relating and consideration easier. Perhaps you can relate to some or most of them.

Note that in order to decrease the length of the blog post and still keep helpful information, I placed each tip inside a toggle bar, you can click to expand or return it to its shorter version. This way, those who don’t need the info can quickly jump to the topic they’re more interested in.

TIP #1: KNOW ALL ABOUT YOUR PARTNER

The first step to any kind of relationship is to know everything about your partner/loved one: RELATE to his/her interests, hobbies, likes, dislikes, favorites, allergies, goals, fears, etc.

Similar interests provide a certain connection or bond which can be the foundation of your constant communication & fondness for each other.

For instance, we both enjoy movies so we watch at least 3-4 movies each month. We also love Korean dramas and Running Man (Korean variety show) so we watch together and laugh and cry our hearts out (for dramas, I’m usually the one crying and he’s the one making fun of me crying.lol).

This is our normal everyday bonding after he gets home from work. This keeps us connected and this helps in relieving our stress. If your loved doesn’t enjoy this kind of stuff, at least find something that you can do together that you both enjoy. Doing things you both love strengthens your bond.

TIP #2: LEARN YOUR DIFFERENCES, ALLERGIES, & FEARS

Learn about your differences, allergies, and fears too.

Knowing each other’s allergies is essential since you don’t want to put each other’s health or life in jeopardy. Your differences & fears will create the excitement in your relationship so it won’t be too dull or too boring. Perhaps, one of you knows something you can teach the other and it can develop into a mutual thing.

For us, he was able to turn my fears into something I actually enjoy doing now.

Before, I had a fear of heights (falling down face first isn’t my idea of excitement) and being underwater(sharks, drowning, stepping on sea urchins). He was able to help me overcome my fears and because of him, I got to enjoy seeing the underwater temple in Bali, we were able to experience flying (parasailing in Boracay), and we were able to do ziplines and ride 360-degrees pirate ships. I realized that if not for him, I wouldn’t have known how enjoyable the whole experience was so I always thanked him for that. Now, we both look forward to more adventures like that.

Relating to each other, whether it’s your similarities or differences is important because relationships crumble when you seem like a stranger to each other. What we learned is that though similarities can form a bond, converting differences to mutual things make the bond you share stronger.

TIP #3: BE CONSIDERATE BUT NOT TOO SUBMISSIVE

Once you relate and find out what each other likes or dislikes, then the next step is to be considerate.

There will never be a couple that agrees all the time. Being submissive doesn’t necessarily mean you love each other. You need to hear each other’s voice to know what you both want. Otherwise, only one person is happy and the relationship becomes stagnant since the other may feel neglected. This leads to monotonous and boring relationships wherein you’d find your love slowly fading away. This could also lead to one seeking the attention, care and happiness from other people. Voice out and be heard. Argue but don’t use words which could hurt each other’s feelings. There will be a time when we would have differences with people we love and that’s when consideration comes in handy.

Consideration is perhaps one of the most essential things you need to make a relationship work.

TIP #4: BE CONSIDERATE ABOUT TIME

Not everyone can be cool-headed when waiting especially if you’re late by more than an hour. Be honest and set realistic schedules to avoid being disappointed.

If you get stuck in traffic, call him/her because texts sometimes get delayed or not sent at all. If you are the waiting party, make sure you extend your patience and look around for things to do or just play a game on your phone or do window shopping (that usually works for us).

If you are the one who’s late, make sure you admit your mistake and SAY SORRY SINCERELY. Let the other know your estimated time of arrival. If you’re going to be late for more than 30 minutes, ask the other to “look around” or buy something for himself/herself like a drink or food that can be consumed immediately or can be shared later (that you will reimburse of course) so that the other won’t feel that time was wasted while waiting for you to arrive.

For me, I usually ask my husband to buy popcorn/movie snacks or play some games at Netopia or the arcade (which I would pay for) so that he won’t mind waiting for me. Either that or I buy him chocolates or treat him to a snack to show how much I appreciated him being patient and not blowing his top off. But a word of caution, please do not be late all the time since you really have to be considerate of the other person. Nobody likes to wait for someone every single time.

Also, I noticed that most couples (like us) have an issue with the amount of time of responding to texts and calls. We’ve experienced a lot of petty fights just because I got so worried about him not texting me where he was. This is what I learned: when texting or calling, if he/she doesn’t respond immediately, don’t be too angry and get all fired up. Understand that his/her world doesn’t just revolve around you. He/she might be sleeping or there might be some important things that they need to attend to so if you really love him/her, show some consideration. And in other words, don’t be too paranoid!

For the other partner though, if he/she texts or calls you and you weren’t able to respond immediately, instead of calling or texting him/her like nothing happened, make sure you say sorry for causing him to worry then state your reason and make sure it’s real.

Gradually, I’ve managed to hold myself back from having temper tantrums about time issues. This has done wonders for us. I still get angry though but the good thing is, I don’t say things that will hurt him and I forgive him each time he says sorry. I don’t prolong being angry over petty things like this.

TIP #5: AGREE ON SPENDING MONEY WISELY

Money can be the source of happiness but it can also be the source of so much sadness and breakups. Be considerate about expenses. Even if you’re married, make sure that you manage spending money wisely. We always make sure we are in mutual agreement before we buy something. We usually pick brands based on the quality and price and not for the sake of the brand name.

For example, instead of buying iPhones, we buy cheaper alternatives which does the same job but doesn’t cost an arm and a foot.

When grocery shopping, I also do the same thing and out of all the grocery items, I’ve discovered something amazing. DEL Fabric Softener. When my husband comes home after a long day at work, I usually greet him at the door and hug him so I know if the fabric softener used is good or not. The other expensive brands don’t deliver on their promise of a long lasting fragrance since all I can detect on his clothes are sweat, vehicle & traffic smell, etc. I noticed that compared to the more expensive brands, Del actually works better since when I hug him when he arrives, I can still smell the Del Fabric Softener on his clothes.

I just had to share this because it’s an amazing product that keeps me wanting to hug my husband as soon as he arrives home. The loooooong lasting smell of Del is amazing.

Hey, and it’s just 4 pesos per piece in sari-sari stores and even lower (PHP 3.85) when you buy them in grocery stores and supermarkets! The bigger version even has a nozzle and cap so you don’t have to worry about folding and spilling. This is very convenient because when we used another brand, I had to transfer everything to another container to prevent it from clumping up and thickening. The cap also serves as your measuring tool so that you won’t go overboard when mixing DEL Fabricon with water. The larger one costs just PHP123.65. It lasts a long time but why don’t you try it for yourself to see real value for money?

Note that other brands cost more and not all of them have caps. For one brand, when I buy 20 pesos worth, I only get 4 sachets. With Del, I get 5 sachets. Talk about value for money!

More DEL = More Love!

TIP #6: CONSIDER EACH OTHER'S FEELINGS & BE SUPPORTIVE

When you know what your spouse or partner loves to do, be supportive and don’t make him stop doing it. Does he love sports? Be there and cheer for him. Watch it with him and learn to enjoy his favorite sports.

Is he a gamer? Buy games that he’s looking forward to playing. If possible, enjoy the game with him.

Is he/she an artist? Performer? Loves to play the guitar? Listen and appreciate his music.

Does he/she love to cook? Enjoy cooked meals and don’t forget to appreciate the effort.

If your spouse wants to rant about his work or office problems, let him let go of some steam and support him rather than make contradictions. It really feels good when someone empathizes with you and supports you. Be that kind of person to your spouse.

It’s all about being sensitive to the needs of your loved one.

Lastly, we all have stress and problems, be each other’s emotional rock. Listen and give each other the strength to withstand the pressures of life. HUGS are the best stress reducers so always give each other lots of it.

Both should be present and come hand in hand in order to make a relationship work. If you can’t relate with your partner, naturally, you’re not aware of what would hurt him/her so you can’t exactly be considerate of each other’s feelings so make sure both are present.

Clothes are like people. They aren’t perfect and they will never be always clean and stain-free because there will come a time when they’ll become dirty, smelly or worse, have a stain on them.

People are the same as clothes, we aren’t perfect too. We’ll commit mistakes and there will be times when we would do things that would end up hurting each other. Though we regret doing or saying some things, the pain that results from our stupid decisions may have already caused pain & suffering & this is what usually breaks and separates good couples.

If you really want to stay together for a long time, you need to enjoy the good times and endure the hard times, even if it means a lot of heartaches and bucketloads of tears. I don’t encourage martyrdom but if you really love a person & that person is sincere in asking for forgiveness, give that person a chance to redeem and patch up the relationship.

We ALL make mistakes and we’re not perfect so expect all relationships to have difficult times. There is no perfect relationship and if they declare themselves to be one, one or both may be hiding something or they’d rather not discuss gory details. It should be noted that almost all couples face bumps and bruises in their relationship but those who have long-lasting relationships are the ones who endured and forgave the offending party.

I love my husband but there are certainly times when we have petty fights & in the years we’ve been together, we also experienced heartaches that are difficult to forget. These are like the stains in our relationship. When your favorite clothes get stains, you don’t just throw it away, right? We do everything in our power to remove the stains. Relationships are like that, as much as possible, we try to remove the stain and even if the stain is really stubborn and we end up ruining our clothes, we sometimes still choose to wear them or keep them as a keepsake or remembrance.

When you married each other, you promised to be together through thick and thin. No matter how hard things are, stick together. If you’re having difficulty in some things like money or infidelity, endure the suffering and know that all hardships and sufferings come to an end and there’s always a rainbow after the rain. Don’t shout your frustrations at each other. Instead of fighting and arguing about it, focus your energy on things that will help solve the problem or things that will help prevent it from happening again. In our case, after we got married, the petty fights to spice up our relationship are still there but I’m happy to report that we haven’t encountered any major problems so far.

I think it is because enduring doesn’t have to involve only one party. The other should also endure temptations of going astray or doing something that could hurt the other. We both made promises in front of God and our family, and that promise, we would keep as we grow old together.

ENDURING the pain is difficult but with help from your best loving memories, you can make it through… so endure, forgive, and love again. That’s the best-kept secret of people who have a long-lasting relationship.

When you have favorite clothes, you try your best to keep it looking new, you make sure not to put stains on them and sometimes, you even clean and gently wash them separately to ensure that they won’t have stains coming from color bleeding from other clothes. However, since stains are invetiable, you find yourself doing everything in your power to remove the stains and make them look like new again.

A long-lasting relationship is just like that, it requires LOVE, CARE, and EFFORT. Everyone should know how to show these three things to people we love. Unfortunately, with the number of breakups and broken families nowadays, I really think that these three things are not being given the attention they deserve.

Love, care, and effort are three important things that help us ENDURE the worst. That’s right. Even if you find yourself guilty of committing a painful & deceitful act to the person you love, the thing that makes people hold unto the relationship are the memories of the Love, care, and effort they’ve received. These things make us look forward to the good days and do our best to overcome the trials.

If you lack love, care, and effort in a relationship, expect that even the smallest of problems will cause your relationship to crumble and fall apart.

Providing Love, Care and effort to people we love usually come naturally but for those people who want some tips to solidify their relationship with their loved one, please feel free to check out the tips I prepared below.

Again, please note that each tip will dropdown and reveal its contents once you click on the +/- sign at the right side and will go back to the smaller box version when you click the +/- sign again.

TIP #1: PREPARE DELICIOUS MEALS

The saying, the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach is quite true.

Cooking and preparing meals or “baon” is the best way to show you care about your loved one. This is especially true if you don’t even know how to cook in the first place, because that means you took time and effort to learn how to prepare delicious meals.

“DI AKO MARUNONG MAGLUTO!” (I don’t know how to cook). This is what other people usually say but believe me, I didn’t know how to cook either but eventually, and after constant practice, I was able to learn how to cook a variety of meals, thanks to the Youtube videos and cooking tutorials online. Even if you regard yourself as a bad cook, just know those amazing master chefs also didn’t know how to cook during the earlier part of their lives. If you really love your spouse, learn to cook and discover how specially prepared meals can make your bond grow stronger.

For those who have phobia cooking, an alternative would be preparing sandwiches, fresh fruits, salads, etc.

My point is, even if you can’t cook, there’s always a way to prepare delicious meals.

Cooking is perhaps one of the best ways to show how love, care and effort to your spouse or loved one.

TIP #2: TENDER LOVING CARE

TLC or Tender Loving Care is very effective in reducing the healing time because when we feel cared for, it gives us the energy to fight off the sickness.

Is he/she sick? Make your loved one feel comfortable and loved by taking care of him/her personally. Buy needed medicines or anything that would help relieve the pain.

My husband helps me with boiling water and preparing the hot compress whenever I have dysmenorrhea or menstrual cramps. He also buys me dark chocolates to help me combat the mood swings that come with my monthly period.

A funny thing about it too is when I ask him to buy feminine napkins and even though he feels ashamed to buy them, he still does it for me.

In return, when he’s sick, I give him sponge baths, I massage his back when he’s complaining about backaches, etc.

When you take care of each other during each other’s moments of weakness and illnesses really strengthens your bond. Your devotion to each other is also a sign that even as you grow old together, you’d still be able to take care of each other.

TIP #3: CELEBRATE MILESTONES IN YOUR RELATIONSHIP

Some people may laugh at other people who celebrate “monthsaries” but it’s actually a good way to have a long-lasting relationship.

As you are reminded of each milestone (each month) in your relationship, both of you will feel privileged and blessed to have such a strong relationship that you would put in more effort in order to keep it that way.

You can opt not to celebrate monthsaries but never ever forget about anniversaries no matter how busy you get. Most men forget about anniversaries which is quite sad since most women expect every anniversary to be special or at least spend some time together.

I’ve provided relationship advice to a lot of my friends and most of them, I usually urge to give more effort into their relationship. One of the top reasons for breakups and misunderstandings is having no time or forgetting about anniversaries, birthdays, Valentine’s day and other special occasions. So you’d better reorganize your priorities and ensure that you won’t ever forget each occasion that is special to both of you if you really want to have a long-lasting relationship.

It doesn’t have to be a John Lloyd movie moment. It doesn’t even have to be extravagant. Remember that for women, small things mean a lot especially if there is a lot of thought and effort involved. Even just a piece of post it note with “kilig” words is enough to complete our whole day. Since just knowing that you remembered the special occasion is already a plus point.

TIP #4: GIFTS AND SURPRISES

It is extremely important to know what each other likes. Favorite movie, color, celebrities, TV shows, characters, sports, hobbies, etc. These are the things that would help you in selecting the perfect gift.

The sweetest thing that you can do to your spouse is when you listen and take note of what he/she wants or needs and that you’d give it to him/her even without that person telling you to do so. That means that you pay special attention and that you don’t just give effort, you also have the initiative to make your gift super special.

Almost every woman loves to receive flowers especially now when we have a lot of social media sites to post it in. But not all women are like that so make sure you know your wife’s preference.

One sad thing about men is that most of them are not showy. They’re not into the “icky” romantic stuff either.

It was a good thing that my husband and I sort of just naturally gave cards, letters, and gifts to each other every single month of our long-lasting relationship. During our married years, the cards and letters became seldom but as a replacement, we made sure we celebrated our special day with a romantic out of town or out of the country trip to add more special memories.

One funny thing about me and my husband is I got bit by the romantic bug and at one time, I ordered a bouquet of flowers, bought a gift and even ordered a cake and had it delivered to his office during our last Valentine’s Day as bf/gf. It was a shame that hiring singers to serenade him was a bit off my budget. Anyway, it took him by surprise but it was all worth it. He was kind of shy but he realized that the feeling of receiving surprises like that is really quite pleasant.

He also understood why it is more “kilig” if the gifts were given by surprise instead of just casually handing them over.

Hand-made gifts, cards, letters, and anything that requires a lot of effort are the top priority. This can be accompanied by a trinket or a favorite thing when given to women. Even if it’s purely decorative, as long as it contains something that she loves (favorite character, etc), she would really appreciate the thought and effort. Women are mostly sentimental and would keep them forever.

For men, usually, they prefer receiving gifts that are practical and can actually be used. Bags, caps, shoes, watches, cool accessories, small gadgets or accessories, these are what most men consider as good gifts.

Note that what I’ve mentioned here are just suggestions. Naturally, everyone is unique so you really need to learn what your spouse wants.

People may frown and say that we shouldn’t be materialistic. However, gifts aren’t just any material thing if done with the best effort and given from the heart.

TIP #5: KEEP SMELLING FRESH & MABANGO

One of the reasons why couple lose their skinship is because of poor hygiene.

Some people may just disregard unpleasant smells but most people lose interest when their partners smell pungy.

In contrast, when you’re smelling fresh all day, it would be no surprise if your spouse would constantly hug you and show affection.

We’ve experienced something similar yet opposite at the same time. You see, whenever my husband comes home from work, I would try to hug him regardless if he was all sweaty, etc. He didn’t like it because he didn’t want me to smell the sweat, smoke and all the other odors that he got from riding the MRT and other PUV’s. That was when I was using a different brand of fabric conditioner.

All that changed when I started using DEL Fabric Conditioner. I thought that losing the smell after a long day at work is the norm, but after using DEL, I proved that it’s actually possible to still keep the fragrance intact even after being exposed to smoke, fumes, sweat and crowded MRT’s. It’s made even better with the introduction of the new variants. DEL FOREVER JOY and DEL FOREVER LOVE. That’s because Del Forever Joy and Love now has 15x longer lasting bangooooo vs a regular detergent brand based on consumer test in Metro Manila.

Don’t just trust me on this, along with all the tips in this blog post, I invite you to try DEL Forever Joy or DEL Forever Love. Actually between the two, I prefer DEL Forever Love but my husband prefers DEL Forever Joy so as a compromise, I buy both variants and use them alternately.

SUGGESTION TO DEL FABRICON:

One thing I noticed though when using the smaller retail version of Fabricons and other similar products is that they pile up quickly. Also, the plastic used is quite sturdy and can be converted to other things. I’ve seen somewhere on Youtube where a group of people recycled similar plastic materials into useful things, such as eco-bags, etc.

If DEL can do a project such as DEL-cycle (recycle) or something similar to have the consumers collect DEL plastic containers then exchange them for a chance to win something, or for discounts or better yet, get a finished product (ECO BAG) in exchange for the plastic containers, it would really help support the environment and help reduce the ever-growing trash we generate every day. On the side of DEL, people would more likely buy DEL than the other brand. Though even without this, we really prefer DEL over the competition because of the long-lasting smell and the fragrance. 

Never forget to say ‘I LOVE YOU’ to your spouse.

Love is definitely like doing laundry. Why? Because too many times, people forget to say those 3 magic words because they’re too busy or too preoccupied about other things. Some people refrain from saying it because they’re concerned that they may appear too corny or cheesy.

Refraining from saying or forgetting to saying ‘I LOVE YOU’ to your spouse is like refraining from doing the laundry. You’ll only get as far as the number of clean clothes you have. Eventually, you’ll run out of options or clean clothes to wear. That’s when you’ll regret about skipping on laundry day because you were too busy. You shouldn’t be too busy to do the laundry and you shouldn’t be busy to say I love you to your spouse either.

Not saying I LOVE YOU to your spouse is similar to that. It may seem okay not to say it once in a while but after a long time of not saying it, that’s when relationships falter and infidelity sets in to fill in the gap of not hearing those three words. People often crave attention and passion and passion starts with saying “I LOVE YOU”, because that phrase is emotion converted into words.

Saying I love you and hearing it all the time doesn’t wear down the meaning of the words. In fact, based on our experience, when we hear those words, our cold hearts melt even during a petty fight. Also, it helps keep the relationship fresh. You don’t have to go to extremes to make each other feel loved.

If you don’t like to say I LOVE YOU then the image below is perfect for you. This was an image shared by 9GAG, and I can really relate to it. Saying I love you is definitely important but there are other simple ways to show much you love someone. At the same time, even if you don’t often hear the words I LOVE YOU then don’t fret, when your loved one say these things (or anything similar) for you, please know that you are loved.

Image credit: 9GAG.com

It also helps when you have someone to look up to. In our case, we see my parents as an example of what we want to become as we age and grow old together.

Another couple we also look up to and idolize in terms of how they make their relationship work is Team Kramer. I just adore their kids a lot and I love how they always seem to be in their honeymoon phase despite already having 3 wonderful kids. Similar to when our parents give us tips on what brands and products to use, whenever Team Kramer use and endorse something, we always put the product to the test and if the product is really awesome, we patronize it.

So far, the couple hasn’t let us down because they seem to specialize in choosing really great products to endorse. Since Team Kramer is trusting Del to keep their clothes fresh and mabango all day, we decided to use the same brand and trust me, you really have to try DEL’s newest scents, Forever Joy and Forever Love because we have tried and tested them already and it will definitely work wonders especially since our MRT’s are super crowded and the pollution and smoke are really deal breakers when it comes to maintaining the smell and freshness of clothes.

The way we take of each other really puts the phrase I LOVE YOU in action. Being fresh and mabango all day has its benefits because even if my husband comes home late at night, it feels really good to hug him tight. He doesn’t have to push me away either because before we used Del, he’s always worried I might hug him and smell sweaty clothes. Right now, the moment I open our door, I always end up hugging him tight, without him trying to pry me away. lol

DEL takes care of our clothes as we take care of each other. So thanks to Team Kramer, we’ve discovered the wonders of using DEL FABRIC CONDITIONER.

Love is like doing the laundry. Traveling and trying out new things is like trying out and selecting new fragrances and types of Detergents and Fabric Softeners to use. This is so we can find the best ones for our clothes. We’re lucky to discover both DEL Forever Joy and DEL Forever Love because these two are a perfect combination for us. We use them alternately since we prefer one over the other and we compromised to use one type each wash day. That way, every week seems fresh and we’re both smelling mabango all day long.

 Similar to finding new brands or variants to use, we travel to new places and make memories from our different adventures to seek out new favorite hobbies and create awesome memories.

Find time to connect with each other through traveling, vacations, games, etc. Having a special connection isn’t everything, what’s important is that you constantly ignite the fire and keep your love burning. Don’t fall into a rut, make sure you enjoy some new things together. Keep that love and desire burning! Give time to each other and appreciate what you can enjoy and offer to each other while you still can. Family vacations are awesome but make sure that you have some alone time with each other.

Below was a video I made last year. I did it during our June monthsary. It contains a few of our adventures and some of our couple story in it. I chose the background song because our lovelife has been a wonderful journey so far and we’ve supported each other during the storms in our relationship and nothing really tore us apart.

Memories are important. Each photo and video will remind you of the awesome time you spent together. Even if you fight or quarrel at times, looking at a photobook or pictures/videos on your social media account sure helps alleviate the tension and anger. We keep memories long-lasting by doing scrapbooks or photobooks.

Below are some of the scrapbooks we made for each other.

SCRAPBOOKING is the traditional way but right now you can also opt to do Photobooks. Scrapbooks were done before Printed photobooks became a thing. Now you can create photobooks online and have it printed and delivered to your home. I still kind of prefer the traditional scrapbook though.

This is an awesome tip that I hope you guys could do so that whenever you’re down or your relationships experience major problems, you can open the photobook/scrapbook and you’ll remember the wonderful memories and realize that the problem is just a small one compared to all the happy memories you’ve made with each other.

Dirty clothes pile up, problems pile up and fights pile up, eventually, you’ll realize you’ve had enough…so let’s not wait for that to happen. Don’t wait until it’s “too late to apologize” to your spouse or loved one.

Resolve problems and misunderstandings immediately and handle each issue maturely.

Choose your battles carefully, not everything is worth fighting about. Try to put yourselves in each other’s shoes then identify how to explain something without offending the other. Mince your words and choose words that are won’t offend people. Say sorry and mean it. Try your best not to let a day pass that you’re angry at each other.

Don’t say something that you would regret. Try not to fight over trivial and petty things. This is unavoidable but make sure that you don’t completely lose your cool. Accept that you are both not perfect and learn to forgive. Do not bring up past mistakes. When you ask for forgiveness don’t just say sorry, ask what you can do to make up for it and what you can do to reassure the other that the mistake won’t happen again.

One of the best tips I can give that was the KEY to our long-lasting relationship is to INITIATE RESOLVING FIGHTS…

We both swallow our egos and we initiate resolution of fights by saying sorry regardless who started the issue. Though we quarrel and bicker sometimes, we don’t say anything that we would really regret. When we feel that we’re going to say hurtful things, we just go to a different room, distract ourselves with movies or games then meet up again after the “storm”.

We then say gentle and sweet things to each other, no matter whose fault it was, we both say sorry to each other. Then that’s when we talk calmly and make each other understand our point of view without screaming our hearts out. If we fight at night and have slept it out (this can happen), we prepare breakfast for the other as a peace offering then patch things up.

The point is, you need some time to calm yourself down before engaging in an argument or explaining. Remember, it’s all right not to be declared the winner instantly and all the time because doing so will let your relationship suffer. And most importantly, never ever hit or hurt each other or take it out on things and appliances. Long-lasting relationships last because we forgive and hear each other out. The first one to initiate resolution of an argument or fight is always the one who thinks it is more important to save the relationship over winning an argument.

Open up & Be honest. COMMUNICATE effectively. Your loved one isn’t a mind reader. The more you know about each other, the more special things you can do for each other and the lesser chance of doing something you don’t like.

Relating it to laundry and dirty clothes, if you happen to stain your clothes, you should tell your spouse immediately so you can both do something to remedy the problem but if you keep it to yourself and you do things on your own, you might end up ruining the clothes more. That is what happens in most relationships.

Secrets and lies are the stains. Stains are also the expectations and little things you despise but can’t tell your spouse. If you keep having these stains, it’s only a matter of time before you and your spouse would call it quits.

Don’t hide your needs & expectations but make sure these are doable, realistic and there is mutual consideration. We are not born perfect and we are definitely as different to each other as our fingerprints are. We’re also not extraterrestrials or mutants so unfortunately, telepathy is out of the question. Our needs and wants are certainly different so make sure you tell everything and that includes your allergies and “ceremonies” when doing something.

Being open to each other helps remove the gaps and causes of misunderstandings. Intimacy problems can also be prevented by being open and honest with each other’s needs and wants. Lack of openness and honesty may lead to infidelity so make sure to keep intimacy issues in check.

So be yourself and enjoy your relationship more by being honest and open to talk about even the smallest things.

Also, be open in terms of affection, don’t be afraid to show how much you love each other. Remember the movie, My bestfriend’s wedding? Jules didn’t get Michael’s love because she was too shy to do public display of affection. So every time he tries to hug her, she pries him away. It was already too late when she told him that she changed and she was okay with hugging in public because he was already getting married to Kim. So don’t be afraid, be OPEN and just LOVE! 🙂

Reveal your vulnerabilities to your spouse and don’t hide them so you can help each other overcome them and become better. Be open and honest but not disrespectful or cruel. Set some time to talk about each other’s day and feelings to help you be more open and honest to each other.

Never ever cheat and have extramarital affairs.

Infidelity & Cheating is like deliberately putting stains on clothes. You already know that you’re going to have a hard time removing the stain but still, you did it anyway! Cheating doesn’t just involve infidelity. It also involves breaking your promises to your spouse.

Do yourself and your loved one a favor. Before you even start flirting with someone other than your spouse, think about the repercussions of your actions. Is it really worth destroying a long-lasting relationship just because you want to feed your ego? Is it worth it to see your spouse crying and heartbroken because you want to have a good time at the expense of your marriage or relationship? IT’S NOT WORTH IT! So stop yourself from having any flings, extramarital affair and don’t flirt with other people. Your relationship is worth more than just a fleeting feeling of proudness and ego boost when somebody else pays you special attention. Instead, focus your raging hormones on the person that truly loves you unconditionally, your spouse!

Here is my tip to help you in establishing your long-lasting relationship:

Whenever we do the laundry, there are times when hangers by itself are not enough to keep clothes in place since sometimes, the clothes keep slipping out of it. To remedy the situation, we put rubber bands on hangers so that clothes won’t slip out, In a similar way, we set rules in our marriage so that we know what our boundaries are in terms of friendships with the opposite sex. This includes the closeness to other people, how long we’ll wait for each other, overnights and jamming sessions with friends, etc. It is all about managing expectations.

Remember that cheating is like deliberately putting stains on clothes. It may or may not be hard to remove them. Some stains can be removed, but some are difficult to remove but eventually, they may be removed. However, the color and quality would never be the same.

So if you’re reading this and having an affair outside of your relationship or marriage, or if you’re flirting and having “friendly” chats with members of the opposite sex with or without your loved one’s knowledge, please stop doing it.

Think about your spouse, who does everything for you, who takes care of you, and who loves you unconditionally. Don’t be an asshole and return that love and kindness back with something that will ruin your long-lasting relationship.

Cheating is never a mistake. It’s a choice. It’s your choice whether to hurt the one you love.

 

Simple things mean the most.

I love my husband so I will always happily wash his clothes for him and serve him with the biggest dose of my love.

Remember the story about the daughter who said that he loved his father like she loved salt? His father was disappointed and banished her because salt seemed unimportant until he tasted the food without salt and realized that small things like salt make a big difference.

That is the same with doing the laundry. It may seem trivial or unimportant but if you don’t do it, both of you would eventually run out of clothes to wear.

The lesson here is BE APPRECIATIVE of the small things that you do for each other.

Cooking and preparing meals, doing the laundry, household chores, sending texts or emails of affection, kissing and hugging each other before going to work and when returning from work, saying I love you, remembering special occasions, those are simple things that we often take for granted until it’s too late to realize that these things are  really important. That’s because these things make us feel loved.

For him, he especially likes it when I cook “special meals”, because you’d know immediately upon looking at it and tasting it that the meals I prepare for him are special and full of an ingredient called LOVE.

Appreciate the little efforts because most of the time, they mean more than the extravagant gifts and efforts “for show“.

HELP and COMFORT in laundry are provided for by Fabric Conditioners. Fabricons helps eliminate the need to iron some clothes, it also makes clothes more comfortable to wear. With DEL Fabric Conditioner, not only are clothes well taken care of, they also smell good and fresh for a very loooooooong time.

Even if we can’t help each other out physically, we can still support each other and do other things to make each other feel better. For example, my husband sometimes comes home to work stressed from work. I can’t help him with his work, but I can make it easier for him by massaging his aching muscles, giving him some tender loving care, preparing his food, and making sure all household chores are done properly.

In return, he helps me out. When doing laundry, we would split the tasks so that the time consumed to do the laundry is greatly lessened. I would do the laundry while he takes the clothes from the drier, puts them on hangers and place them outside to completely air out and dry. He does this with no complaints whatsoever.

Whenever one or both of us are stressed out, we become each other’s stress reliever. We do or say things to make the other laugh. We listen to each other’s rants and we do simple but special things to help release our stress such as doing movie marathons, watching our favorite episodes of Running man, going to the movies, doing foodtrips, or playing games such as Monster Hunter together.

Long-lasting relationships last long because you have each other. You should be each other’s source of strength and beacon of hope.

If you want your relationship to last, never neglect your spouse and be there for each other in the good times but most especially during the bad times because that’s when you need each other the most.

Intimacy and passion are like the SCENT of the fabric conditioners you use for your clothes. Wonderful smells provide the spark to your relationship because it induces more skinship such as hugging, etc. You can’t literally buy sparks for your relationship but you can always buy DEL FABRICON. It’s already been tested in Metro Manila that Del Forever Joy and Love has 15x longer lasting bangooooo vs a regular detergent brand.

 Don’t let the flames burn out. Intimacy however, isn’t all about just sex or skinship. It should involve making your spouse know & feel how attractive he/she still is.

What if the spark is gone? What if the “kilig” factor isn’t there anymore? As long as there is life, there is hope. Create new moments that will spark the flame and create kilig moments. Kilig moments can either come from romantic actions such as a walk on the beach, looking at sunsets and sunrise, breakfast in bed, cooking his/her favorite dish, celebrating monthsaries or anniversaries with lots of flowers, etc.

For guys who plan to surprise their loved ones, remember this: the cheesier it is, the sweeter it is for the woman. We know it’s difficult and sometimes humiliating to carry bouquets of roses or those big teddy bears but when you give it to your loved one, it’s like handing her the most expensive jewelry in the whole world because those efforts are very kilig-inducing and it makes your loved one feel special. Don’t look down on small yet effective efforts though.

Hand-made and well-thought of gifts like scrapbooks, letters, poems, cooking a very special dinner yourself and blowing balloons and filling up the room with it along with some printed out pictures of you and your loved one, such surprises are better than the expensive trinkets, humongous teddy bears and bouquets of flowers.

For women, just because it’s a norm that men are the ones who give presents and flowers to women doesn’t mean you can’t do it too. I remember during Valentine’s day of 2011, I surprised my husband (who was just my boyfriend then) with cake, gift, card and a bouquet of flowers. He was definitely shocked but really happy. He understood then what it felt like to receive surprises and why women loved it. He said he felt loved and really special that time. He shared his cake with his officemates and had a romantic dinner after. So based on experience, surprises really do keep passion burning.

Since we don’t normally post images on social media, below is a photo of a page from one of our scrapbooks. These pictures were taken on the day he received the surprise. He even placed some chocolate icing on his teeth and posed wackily because he was a little embarrassed (in a good way) about the attention from his officemates.

Passion is also ignited by different means. For men, attractiveness (physically, mentally, or actions, etc), skinship and caring for their needs is the way to go to keep love burning. For the ladies, attractiveness is when you guys pay attention to us and show us you care by being insightful and sensitive of our needs. It’s helping us with the what we’re doing like having the initiative to do chores without being told to do so and acknowledging what we do for you every single day with a kiss and a hug.

I saw this video on Facebook and it may look weird and funny but hey, there’s some truth to it:

Video Credit: Sophie Craig & 9GAG Girly

I hope you enjoyed the video because I did. Sophie Craig and the guy in the video are both entertaining and funny. They kind of nailed it because women love it when men help them with the chores. It’s the kind of “macho” we love to see more than a man’s 6-abs sculpted body. I especially love it when my husband helps me with the laundry. He even chose his own fabricon, which was DEL Forever Joy. I don’t know if he chose it because he loves the scent more or if he loves that my name is on it. lol 😀 I preferred DEL Forever Love though in terms of scent (since it’s sweet and reminds me of fresh flowers and candy) so when we change roles in terms of doing the laundry (one washes while the other does the hangering of garments), we also change between the two DEL fabricon variants based on our preference.

Physical attractiveness does fade eventually, the important thing is that the love and energy you once had when converting your love into action is still there.  It doesn’t always have to be straight out sex… cuddling, hugging and kissing still fall under intimacy. Being in other’s mind and knowing what each other wants also falls under intimacy. Passion, on the other hand, doesn’t end with the physical things. Being passionate about your marriage by doing whatever it takes to make it work is the real definition of PASSION.

True Love won’t fade away with old age because love is infinite and knows no bounds. A perfect song for this would be  “KAHIT MAPUTI NA ANG BUHOK KO”, which is one of my favorite songs. A part of the lyrics include “Kung tayo’y matanda, sana’y di tayo magbagomakuha mo pa kaya akong hagkan at yakapin hanggang sa pagtanda natin? Nagtatanong lang ako, ako pa kaya’y ibigin mo? Kahit maputi na ang buhok ko?” Translated in English, the singer asks whether the person still loves him even if he’s already old. Beauty fades but TRUE LOVE lasts forever.

Below is a video by Noel Cabangon. Watch it and try to embody the lyrics in your lovelife so that you’ll be able to have and keep a long-lasting relationship.

Video Credit: Universal Records PH and Noel Cabangon

In terms of laundry, EGO is like dirty, smelly old socks.

You can’t have this garment mixed with the others when you load the washing machine or else, the other garments will have a pungent smell. Same thing goes with love, you can’t mix your ego in every argument or situation. It will only make things worse.

Put your ego aside. It’s not worth anything except ruin things.

He makes more money or she does is not a problem. Sometimes money is a source of happiness but it can also ruin relationships. In order to have a long-lasting relationship, one must never ever fight over money. Period.

I’ve always had a problem of thinking I’m always right and he either had to agree with me or he has to bend my perception of things in order for us to agree on something. Thank goodness that after self-reflection and countless petty fights and arguments, I realized that I was wrong for always feeding my ego and I managed to mellow down. I also realized that it’s okay not to always be right and it’s okay not to be the winner because you always end up learning new things with the mistakes.

Long-lasting relationship is made up of two different people and instead of reacting horribly or having heated discussions regarding an undesirable thing or situation, it is best to remain calm, and get inputs from your partner then be mature in making decisions. That way, instead of clashing ideas and egos, you’ll both learn to blend with each other.

 

There you have it. All the “secrets” of our long-lasting relationship revealed in my blog. As you have seen, love really does feel like doing the laundry and if you want your love to last a long time and have long-lasting relationship then prevent STAINS from ruining the love and goodness of your relationship. On top of that, you need to use Fabricons (TLC and Passion)  if you really want a long-lasting relationship. If you do that, just like the new DEL Fabricon variants, you will have both FOREVER LOVE and FOREVER JOY.

 J & L, that’s our initials. It also stands for JOY & LOVE.

Joy & Lester, forever in-love…
because of Del Forever Joy & Forever Love.

 Hey, if you’ve picked up some tips here or if you found this blog post quite useful and worth the read, please share it with your family and friends so they too can enjoy a long-lasting relationship. Thanks.

For more information about DEL FABRIC CONDITIONER, you can visit their Facebook page here:

 www.facebook.com/delfabcon 

 

 

Disclaimer: This blog post is an entry to a blog contest sponsored by Nuffnang PH and DEL Fabric Conditioner. All the thoughts here are mine and the testimonials made here are all real and not part of a media kit. Some videos and images here are properties of their respective owners. No Copyright infringement are intended. If you wish for it to be taken down, kindly send the blogger a message using the contact page found on this blog. Thanks.